What Am I to You?
by ExtravagantRain
Summary: Steven and Pearl have a talk about something very important, something that's been a long time coming. Set a little while after "Mr. Greg".


Steven exhaled as he sat on the couch, thinking very hard about what he wanted to say when the time came. This was something he'd been meaning to do ever since returning from the Empire City trip with his dad and Pearl, but he'd never been able to muster up the courage to go through with it.

Until now, that was.

Seeing his dad and Pearl bury the hatchet after so long really got him thinking about all the times he'd ever doubted if Pearl truly cared about _him,_ or if she only seemed to because he was her link to Rose. After all, she'd sure shown signs of resentment in the past, especially that night where he ran after her at the battlefield. It really made him wonder if maybe, just maybe, Pearl wished he never existed. After all, had he never been born, his mom would still be here, and things might be...better.

He shook his head. Why was he letting himself think that way? He knew for a fact that it was his mom's choice to have him, and, despite the initial grief that must've been there, the Crystal Gems loved him dearly, even Pearl.

Still, though, he had to know for sure.

Just then, the door to the temple opened and the gem in question exited her room, humming to herself. Steven noticed that it was the song he'd sung to her and his dad in Empire City, the one that helped them to put the past to rest. He couldn't help but smile a bit at this, but the smile quickly faded, replaced by a look of determination as he got up and stood in Pearl's path.

"Oh! Hi, Steven," Pearl said, smiling down at him. "How are you today? I'm sorry I wasn't able to cook you breakfast before you woke up! I was busy trying to find something, and I lost track of the time, and...oh, gosh, I really am sorry."

"It's okay, Pearl," he said, fidgeting a little. "I just had a bagel sandwich. I really wasn't too hungry, so that was enough."

"Are you sure? I can make you something else if you're still hungry!"

"I'm sure, Pearl."

"Oh. Well, okay, then." It was only then that she noticed his body language. "Is something wrong, Steven? You seem...agitated."

Steven breathed an internal sigh of relief, then looked up at her with an expression that made her worry.

"Pearl, I have something to ask you," he said. "It's...really important."

Pearl, taking a seat, asked, "What is it? You know you can talk to me about anything."

He sat next to her, folding his hands. He was quiet, which only made her worry more, but she had learned long before this that she couldn't force it out of him. He would tell her when he was ready.

With a deep breath, Steven finally asked, "Pearl, how do you feel about me? I mean, how do you _really_ feel? Not just what you tell me to make me feel better; I want the truth. Do you...resent me? Do you ever wish I'd never been born, so that Mom would still be here?"

"Steven...where is this all coming from? You've never said anything like this before. Why now, all of a sudden?"

"Well, you see, after Empire City, after seeing you and Dad finally make up and let go of what happened, it made me think back to all the times you'd talk about how great Mom was, and how it made me feel when you wished she were still here." He took another deep breath. "Since you and Dad were finally able to clear the air, I thought...y'know, maybe you and I could do that, too."

"Oh, Steven..." Pearl's eyes were starting to water. "You should know by now that I _love_ you. Why on earth would I resent you?"

"Pearl..."

Pearl sighed. It was a defeated sound, one that made Steven grimace in anticipation of something he didn't think he'd like hearing.

"At first...I didn't understand why your mother did it," she said, wiping the tears away. "I was inconsolably angry, and sad, and confused, and I didn't like it. I hated Greg. I...I hated _you._ I needed someone to blame, and, since you were probably the one most directly responsible for Rose's disappearance, I...put it all on you."

Steven was silent once more, seemingly taking this all in. It was understandable; after all, how often did one hear from someone they looked up to and loved with all of their heart that that person used to hate them? It wasn't exactly an easy thing to deal with, and Pearl didn't blame him for reacting this way.

She just wished the silence didn't seem to last forever.

At last, Steven said, "Back when I chased after you at that gem battlefield, I didn't know why you were acting the way you did. I didn't understand why you were so upset. When I called out to you, and you looked back at me with that...horrible expression...I thought you didn't love me anymore. I thought you hated me. You...you didn't even try to help me up when I fell. Yeah, you got concerned when I dropped off, but when you saw I was hanging on to those vines, you just...didn't seem to care anymore.

"I had never felt that strong feeling of resentment from you before that moment, and it hurt to sense it. But...I didn't stop caring about you. That memory of yours...it sort of made me understand why you acted that way, but it still hurt. I just wanted you to know that night that I thought you were pretty great, even if _you_ didn't think _I_ was."

Pearl brought her hand to her mouth in horror. Had she really made him feel that way? And he mentioned it being strongest at that moment... Did that mean she'd _always_ shown some sort of resentment towards him? Even though she'd come to care for him immensely by that point, did she still allow her bitterness about Rose's death to seep through that often?

Oh, how truly and utterly dreadful.

Neither of them said anything for several moments, and the atmosphere in the room grew quite oppressive for the time being. Steven was waiting for an answer, but Pearl didn't know what to say. What _could_ she say, really? It wasn't exactly the easiest thing to explain, even though she desperately wanted to.

"Pearl...are we going to be able to...work things out...?"

"Oh, Steven..."

He looked at her, eyes pouring small creeks.

She sighed, saying, "Of course we are... Steven, listen to me. I know I haven't always been the most...tactful with my words when I speak to you, especially in the past, but I want you to know that I mean it when I say I love you so much. I've come to care about you more than anything else in the world. All three of us do, but I feel like I'm the only one who hasn't consistently shown it. I have to put that to an end. Steven...I don't blame you for _anything_ anymore. What happened in the past is said and done; I can't change that, even if I _wanted_ to. You're so special to me, and I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to you."

Sniffling, Steven asked, "So...I'm not a burden to you...?"

"Oh, Steven, of course you're not..."

"Then...what _am_ I...?"

Pearl reached over and scooped him up, placing him in her lap and hugging him with a smile.

"You're my baby, and I'm always going to love you."

"Promise...?"

Pearl kissed the top of his head.

"Yeah. I promise."


End file.
